Day four.

I can't find words for what you told me just now... How can you say something like this? What are you hiding behind this excuses?.. This was really the last thing I expected... I've been loyaly waiting for you for whole week. Every step that I have taken was for you. I've never stepped back from what we have planned. Our plans were waiting for you to come back. Now you tell me I lied?.. I know you went through hell, I know Dan has been brainwashing you and you're mentaly exhausted. But for God's sake, does it makes it right to forget about things I've done for us? Did you forgot I have quit from work? And that I've been sleeping at work for last 2 weeks? And that I'm selling my personal things? I have even pushed back my won family.. Where is the point that I lied? Where is the point where I have moved back in your opinion? It's been a hard week for me too, you know, but I didn't gave up on you and I was still securing our future. You're so wrong about what you said about me. I can't even find a reason why would you believe in your own words... Apparently you're the one here who lied to me... Started with your visit in PH. You remember you promissed me to find me a place in SG before you go to PH? I didn't blame you for this, because I thought you're serious about me... It's still early here, I will add more to this post later... I love you, no matter what...

Day three.

After 13 hours of work, I've just moved to a new place. I'm still setting up things in my room, but now it's enough to find a place to sit down and open my laptop. I have a small room for my own and I'm living with Specu (his name is Bartek), I think you should remember him. It's around 20 minutes away from my work, pretty far from everything else... But I have everything I need here... Except you. :( I can't help but keep imagining you with me here... I don't know what were your intentions, but this day and our short and desperate conversation gave me a new hope. I could easily sense how much you miss me and still love me... I know that everything that happens is against your will, and that's really all I needed to know... I love you hunny and I won't give up on you. I don't care if Dan is going to try to hurt me or whatever. If he does, we will have reason to take actions against him. And this will be our win. I hope you understand how strong power is love. I trust with my life that this love will survive everything and will always find it's way. I write this note late, because I was busy at work for whole day... I worked since 7am till 8pm. And I didn't even had a chance to eat. I'm worried about what Dan is doing... He PMed Diana using your YM account and asked her for her number. But I warned Diana, so she asked if it's really you. After that, Dan disconnected. What is he doing this for? Maybe he's gathering evidence? That's why I was so careful talking to you today... I didn't want to say anything that could be taken against you... I wish I could just cry to you about how much I miss you and how much I need you back... About how every second makes me realize better how much I love you... Oh baby, don't let him mess with our lifes, push him away and let's slowly secure our future, step by step... I will eat my breakfast now, because I can barely type, this is how weak I feel... Specu want's me to join him watching a movie, so maybe I will. I still got things to ask him, like where is the closest mall, how to travel quickly from here, when and do I need to pay and so on. Gosh hunny, I hope you will be back tomorrow... And that you will find a way to contact me. And for God's sake, I hope you didn't let Dan drag you to his life again... :( I love you hunny...

Day two.

I'm staying in contact with your friends... Keeping them informed and hoping they won't fail to inform me when they know something new. It makes me feel a little better knowing that everyone thinks, that the right thing for us is to be together, no matter what happens... I keep praying that you're safe hunny... I don't want anything bad happen to you. :( I have found a place to stay at for next month if I will need to. Kmieciu's friend is renting a room at his place. Cheap, but a little far from my work... I could have moved in yesterday, but I don't feel like being between people now, so I just stayed at work again... I keep checking my email, but nothing is coming... Everytime I see a new message, my heart stops beating for a moment, just to continue it's normal functions with disappointment, when I realize it's not from you... Even Dan didn't answer me... I expected he will ignore me, actually. Everyone is worried here about you, you know?.. And we all miss you... I hope you will come back home this saturday, as previously planned... And I hope you will contact me. No matter what happens, we should disscus and take decision together. I love you, and I still got so much motivation to fight for us. I hope you're pushing Dan away and not letting him do things his way... I count on you hunny... I think I will be staying in Szczecin this weekend. Remember, I told you I've argued with my parents. And it's still not okey between me and them... So I don't want to see them for now. Being alone and waiting for you to come back is the only thing I need now... You know, it's been snowing here really hard for past few days. Traffic is so jammed, especially in the morning. I don't do much this days... I work from 8am to 4pm, then I play some games, study Flash development, watch movies and browse our logs and pictures. I usually go sleep around 1am, when I know that anyone else will come to the office for sure. Then I wake up 6am, so I can clean myself before anyone comes here. I still pretend that I'm just coming here early in the morning... This really sucks, but it's nothing when I compare it with our situation... But I don't give up. I told you I never will... I know we love each other and we need to fight everything that is against us. We will be happy one day hunny... Because love is forever... And I love you with all my heart... I miss you, I'm still all yours. I can't wait to have you back...

PS. I think I will edit my posts instead of adding few posts the same day. Just so it's easier for you to know what happened with me which day. So don't be suprised if the same post express many different emotions. I hope you will like that I'm writing here...

Day one.

I don't know what to do... You're gone. I know you've been taken from me against your will. I know you would be with me if you can. And I hope you know I would help you if I can too... I feel so bad being here, unable to do anything... Without knowing how you feel, what you want and what you need. I can't even email you, because I know that bastard is reading, probably not even informing you about the letters. Your friends told me he will hit you if he's angry... It never even crossed my mind before... It didn't crossed my mind how can anyone hurt someone as you... Someone so sweet and innocent... I'm sorry baby if he did anything to you. :( I swear there will come day for him to pay for everything he have done to you and to us. Maybe I should not, but I sent him an email today morning... I told him what I think about him, about what he's doing to us... I told him he's treating you as his throphy. I told him you're not his pet or a toy. I told him you will never love him again. But I know bastards like them... He won't answer me and he will not care, he will not even try to understand it... He's just proud he made things work his way. I can't describe the hate I feel for him... And how much I pity you now... And miss you... The worst thing about this now is that for some time I won't be able to contact with you for some time. I know you will come back one day. And I know I will be still waiting. I talked to your friends today. I told them to let you know that I'm going nowhere without you and that I'm still waiting here... I love you baby. I hope you will come back soon... I still live here only for you...

PS. This blog is not for me. This is for you, so when you're back, you can see that I was yours all the time. So you know what I went through. So you know how much I missed you. I want you to know that when my body dies here with every minute, my mind is always with you, in better world that I trust one day will become reality.